There's Woomy in My Heart For You
by Coricus
Summary: Yes. You read that title correctly. Something something Smash Mansion new challenger starts falling for a stupid angel yadda yadda. Fresh. Chapter 3 up, now contains Tri-Slosher references. Or something. May contain KidxSquid, InkQuillShipping, Inklit, assorted ship names, etc.
1. Tempurary Problems

I crumpled on the ground, tears of horror streaming down my face. I'd walked into this place boldly, assuming fitting in would be easy, but this? I stifled the impulse to vomit as the smell of rotting death wafted from the next room over. Trembling, I glanced around the corner at the gory scene unfolding before me.

Sitting on the kitchen counter was a plate full of tiny little breaded corpses, arranged nauseatingly around a plastic cup of sauce.

I turned back around hastily, pressing my headphones against my head as the ink drained from my face. Was this how people were treated around here? Were they going to krill me in my sleep and put me on a plate next? Would they even wait for me to go to sleep?!

"Hey, um. . .are you OK? You don't look so good. . ." Someone asked from nearby. I couldn't bring myself to turn my head up to check who.

"I. . .I can't. . .I can't do this!" I choked out, crying even harder.

I curled up tighter, hugging my legs. I must be an absolute mess at this point, but I can't take this. This is wrong. Everything is so wrong.

"Wait, what's wrong?! Don't cry! Please don't cry. . ." He said, sounding worried.

I tried and failed to stifle my sobs for a moment. My head turned up to look at who was talking, but my eyes were too blurry to actually see. This must look absolutely ridiculous, but at the same time I couldn't stop shaking even if I wanted to. I guess I'd had more faith in everyone here than I should have.

"I. . .I want to go home. . ." I sobbed. I could hardly believe I was saying it, but after this. . .

"But you just got here! What could have happened that would make you want to leave already?!" He asked, shocked.

I turned my head and started to point, almost bringing myself to say it, but I couldn't bring myself to look at. . .that. . .again. I whipped back around and curled back up. It wasn't really any safer like this, but it kind of felt like it.

"What? Something in the kitche-. . ." He trailed off.

Of course he couldn't understand. None of them could. I suppose I could give him credit for one thing though, he spent an awful long time trying. I could still see his shadow over me even a solid minute of silence later. I guess it took him that long to figure out something to say.

"Are you. . .are you scared of some of the food or something?" He asked.

Reluctantly I nodded. I could tell he didn't have a grasp on the reason why, not in the slightest. But for him to even get in the same ballpark. . .I don't know, I guess it was comforting in a way. I didn't expect him to even guess that closely.

There was another long silence. I could smell something dead burning again from around the corner, and I struggled with the urge to gag.

". . .I was going to go skip out on dinner today and order some pizza. Would you like it if I got you some too?" He asked.

Against all odds I found myself relaxing slightly. I probably shouldn't be, this might be a trick or. . .ah, I dunno. I still felt like a wreck, but I guess the worst was over somehow. Or maybe I'm just hungry and it's nice to have something offered that doesn't make me feel like a cannibal.

"You're not going to. . .you're not going to eat the prawns?" I asked nervously.

"What? Oh gosh no! I can't even bring myself to look directly at tempura after. . ." He paused for a moment, his voice wavering a bit. "Not after the incident."

At this point I finally brought myself to look at who I was talking to. The first thing I noticed was the awkward expression on his tiny little head. He had a messy tuft of long mammal fur instead of tentacles, and his face looked oddly hard. I wondered for a moment if this was what a human looked like, but then my eyes drifted further back. It took me a moment to realize, but he had one defining feature that humans very definitely did not. My eyes glanced up and down the snowy white bird wings in moderate surprise. Was he some kind of mutant. . .?

"This incident didn't involve you trying to . . .eat them, did it?" I asked warily.

"Are you kidding? They were trying to eat m-nope, nope, I'm not going back there. I am not going back to thinking about that!" He responded, looking like he was having some kind of Great Turf War flashback.

The two of us exchanged an awkward look. I guess I wasn't the only one who wasn't having any of this today after all. Huh.

". . .So. . .you interested in the pizza?" He asked.

"That would be fresh, thank you." I answered, smiling weakly.

He grinned after I said that, almost looking like he was about to jump for joy. He seemed so relieved that I was starting to feel a little better. . .was he really so nice? Actually, scratch that. No one acts this goofy about managing to comfort someone if they have an agenda.

"So what toppings do you want? Cheese, pepperoni, works? To be honest I'm kind of hoping you won't ask for veggie, heh. Getting kind of tired of having those healthy pizzas ordered, it just doesn't taste the same. But I mean, if you want veggie it's fine, we can order a veggie pizza too!"

As he rattled off pizza suggestions, he started to walk away. I thought about following, but I was still a bit in shock from everything today and was having a bit of trouble. . .convincing myself. He had almost left the room when he realized I wasn't following, but when he did he whipped around surprisingly quick.

"You're coming, right?" He asked.

"I'm not sure if I can get up." I frowned.

He jogged back over to where I was sitting, extending an arm forward to me. I looked up, and he smiled. Taking his hand, I smiled back, a bit less weakly this time.

It's probably cheesy of me to think this, but maybe this place isn't so bad after all.

. . .OK, make that definitely cheesy. I think I'm about to gag just thinking that. Forget all this emotional carp, time to drown my anxiety in some sweet-bass pizza.


	2. In That Case, Let Minnow If You Need Me

I flopped lazily onto the couch, looking upside down over the arm rest at the massive pile of boxes. It all smelled so good that it almost took my mind off of my problems just by itself, but I think he may have gone a bit overboard while ordering it. . .ah well, some leftover pie never hurt anyone. I grabbed a can of soda out of the cardboard box lying on the floor next to my seat and cracked it open with a refreshing fizzle.

"So, you feeling a little better now?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm-" I stopped as I noticed the entire slice of pizza he had started to shove into his mouth. "Son of an octopus, you're gonna give yourself brain damage if you try to eat that much at once!"

"Mmph?" He kinda sorta asked. Somehow he managed to swallow the whole thing at once without killing himself. "What? Oh, I'm OK, I have to eat this fast all the time on the job. I'm fine!" He said.

I stared at him for a moment. Well you can't say it wasn't impressive, but it was a bit awkward to watch. It's like watching a freakin' pelican eat. Well, I guess he was part bird, after all. It's probably to be expected that he might do some birdy things. I just hope he doesn't go poop on cars or anything in that case.

"So, what do you think we should watch with our food? I'm kind of out of the loop, honestly." He asked.

I thought it over for a moment. When was the last time I'd watched anything other than news again? Ugh, I definitely needed to watch something else, but I'd been so busy lately I was completely out of the loop myself. Maybe I should look something up on my ikaPhone? Or-

Suddenly the door to the room swung open with a triumphant thud. Both of us whipped our heads around in surprise.

"Yo Pit, mysterious new girl I've never seen before, mind if I duck in here a while? Today's food kind of sucks and the kitchen is too much of a warzone for me to actually cook anything decent." Said the new guy.

I glanced over the guy with a heightened sense of curiosity. He was a weird fuzzy sort, shorter than most folks but easily taller than your average jelly. He had really shiny green eyes, and had funny spiked out fur all over the place. Judging by the kicks and the relative lack of anything else, I'm really not sure if he thinks he's a people or not. But he definitely seems like he's smart enough judging by how his widdle twitchy twitcher ears twitch when he looks at me. Oh. . .oh gosh, I think I'm about to say something stupid.

"Eeeeee it's a little spiky kitty man!" I accidentally let slip out.

". . .What." He responded rather understandably.

I blushed and slapped my hand over my mouth. Whoops, that wasn't what I was aiming for. I could feel the tension in the room as the guys exchanged an awkward glance. Then something else about the situation sunk in and I turned back towards my acquaintance.

"Wait, your name is Pit?" I asked.

"I, uh. . .hey Sonic, do you have any ideas for what we could watch with our pizza?" Pit asked hastily.

The flufferball thus dubbed Sonic grinned in response.

"Is that your way of offering to share?" Sonic asked.

"Well I, uh, um. . .sure, I guess? Just don't hog all of it or anything, OK?" Pit stammered.

Suddenly Sonic was pulling himself onto the couch, sitting between the two of us on the back part on the top. I blinked, wondering how he even got over here so quickly. Taking a glance at his shoes, I noticed that they actually seemed really top of the line and durable. He may not be wearing much, but he at least has one heck of an eye for material quality for what he does have on. Oh, come on, don't give me that look, if you're out shopping for sportswear you need to know what you're picking out.

"Alright, I know I'm probably gonna get an odd look for what I got in mind, but just trust me on this one, the good stuff kicks in after a few minutes." Sonic said, holding a TV remote I hadn't seen him grab forward.

He flicked on the TV and set the input to one of the sweet looking gaming systems hooked onto it, scrolling over to some video subscription service. Upon getting in there were. . .quite a few different users listed. Well I guess with the amount of people here that makes sense. He set it to one labelled "RoundTable" and selected it.

"You don't use your name?" I asked.

"In this house? Oh gosh no. Last time I used anything even recognizable it took weeks to fix the mess they made of my list and recs. I have to change my username every few days just to make sure no one knows it's mine at this point. Anyone who actually uses their name on this thing either has a perfect reputation around here or a whole lot of guts." Sonic said.

I nodded made a mental note that whenever I set up my own user I would make sure to use something suitably dark and mysterious to avoid that kind of trouble.

I glanced back up to see what he was selecting for us to watch. He sure wasn't kidding about giving him an odd look. It looked like some kind of cutesy little girl's show starring. . .aliens? There was space in the background and the characters were weird bulb looking things with dots over their heads.

"What the squid is this?" I asked, taking a swig of my soda skeptically.

"Chao in Space: The Animated Series. Yes, I know what your thinking, but it takes a bit of a swerve at times. Just give it a chance." Sonic said.

"Alright I guess. But this better not just be a trick to get us to watch your cutesy guilty pleasure. I already feel like I need to play Turf War for an hour just to wash off the preview image." I said.

"Turf War?" Pit asked, sounding a bit curious.

"Oh, right, the peeps around here aren't fresh with the times. It's the biggest sport back where I'm from, you set up squads of four and try to claim as much turf as you can within the alloted time using inkguns, sniper rifles, paint rollers, whatever while knocking out the guys on the opposite team to set them back. Some more hardcore players go for more specialized stuff like claiming a specific zone or a tower. Some of the shopkeepers even specialize in selling to people who are good at it. It's a pretty big deal."

"R-really? That. . .actually sounds kind of fun." Pit said.

"Hey, if you're willing to give it a shot, I can slip you into Inkopolis Square tomorrow and hook you up with a Splattershot." I offered.

"That would be awesome! Uh, I should probably ask permission first, but if I can make it that sounds great!" Pit said.

"Hope to see you there, then." I grinned and mimed a gun with my fingers.

I turned back over to the Chao. . .whatever playing on the TV and noticed it was playing the opening song. Ugh, this really is gonna be some cutesy garbage, isn't it? They're all singing about friendship and happiness and little berries. Ugh, give me a break.

I lifted open one of the pizza boxes and helped myself to some glorious pie. At least being mindlessly cutesy couldn't ruin your food. Well, unless you had a weak stomach.

"Hey, how are you holding up watching this, Pi-" I stopped myself when I realized he had gotten up out of his seat.

I turned my head further up to see that he was at the far end of the room, holding the door open just a crack. He seemed to be talking to someone, and pretty anxious about it at that. Since the tube clearly wasn't going to be up to snuff, I figured it wouldn't hurt to overhear a bit. . .

"Beefcake what are you even doing here?" Pit whispered through the door.

"I came to give you your daily update, boss." Said a muffled voice through the door.

"Isn't that Roger's job?" Pit whispered.

"We can't find Roger. We looked all over. Eventually we gave up and decided who would come with thumb wars." Said the muffled voice.

"In that case, tell everyone back home to look again when you get back. We can't afford to lose anyone else as it is and no one else is trained to sneak in here." Pit whispered.

"Sorry boss." Said the muffled voice.

". . .So, my stuff come in the mail?" Pit asked quietly.

"Your toys got delivered, yeah. Do you want us to open the box for you, boss?" Asked the muffled voice.

"No, just leave the box next to my Bows in the armory. The last time any of you guys got ahold of scissors it ended badly." Pit whispered.

"Understood, boss." Said the muffled voice.

"Anything else of note to report?" Asked Pit quietly.

"Just what I told you, boss." Said the muffled voice.

"In that case, you can go ahead and return to your post. And. . .stay safe, Beefcake." Pit whispered.

"Understood, boss." The muffled voice said.

Pit stood next to the door for a bit as whoever it was walked away. He breathed a sigh of relief for a moment, then turned to walk back over to the couch. As he flopped down onto his seat I could see he looked a lot more exhausted than he did before. Then he looked startled for a second and turned to face me.

"You didn't see any of that, did you?" Pit asked.

"No." I responded, biting into another slice of pizza.

"Ah, good." Pit said.

I turned back towards the TV just in time to see that the show had somehow gotten to the point of a giant water monster trying to strangle a mutant lizard.

"Holy woomy." I said, almost dropping my pizza.


	3. Turf 'Til You Nerf

"Glad you took me up on my offer after all!" I said. "Welcome to Inkopolis"

Pit walked down the asphalt I found so familiar like a kid that just discovered a playground for the first time. He peeked into the window of every shop I'd long since made a daily routine of popping into, watching impressed at the daily work of shopkeepers I'd long since known as old friends. He sat into folding chairs and rocked back and forth in them, he stood on and jumped off of that tiny skateboard ramp always sitting awkwardly in one spot, he squinted at a manga someone left on a table.

"Hey, you are going to come to a match with me, right?" I asked, standing in front of the lobby that stood as a stunning centerpiece to the freshness of the city.

He trotted up to me like a happy slugpuppy, smiling wide.

"Sorry, this place is just really cool, that's all! Although come to think of it. . .are you sure I'm OK walking around out here? You know, considering I'm not, a, uh. . ." Pit trailed off.

The loud beats from the speakers sitting outside the lobby thumped their usual bass drops. A couple of nearby tweenklings glanced up lazily from their ikaPhones for a moment before apathetically returning to their social media outings. The sun shone brightly over Inkopolis Square as it often did, and the smell of fried waffles and hotdogs drifted through the air.

I leaned against one of the boomboxes and shrugged.

"Pit, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. That hip new pop star, Marina? She's an octopus." I said.

". . .Ah." Pit said, nodding blankly.

"Hang on, I was getting to a point with that. The thing is, no one has noticed. Like, at all. All they think is that she's a squid with cool hair. You could be a Salmonid in a wig around here and no one would even care. People don't judge you by what you are around here, they judge you by your freshness."

"But what is-" Pit started.

Before he could finish, I shoved the usual grey rectangle of a Splattershot Jr. that all noob squids started with into his arms. He stumbled back from the force of my handing it to him, tripping over his own sandals slightly.

"Splat turf. Fight. Win. . . .Don't paint the walls. All you need to know. They'll give you an ink tank when you get there, just paint as much ground as you can. That's your key to freshness." I said.

"Ah, OK, I guess that doesn't seem so hard." Pit said, examining the gun.

"Heh, typical rookie talk." I grinned. "You gotta keep your head in the game better than that, or you'll lose it."

We walked through the sliding doors of Inkopolis Square's most famous building and walked in, greeted by hundreds of LED lights flashing in squiddy patterns.

"So where do we go from here?" Pit asked.

"I dunno. I always just went in and the next thing you know, hey, you're at your match." I shrugged.

"So is it like a warp point or a scene transition or-" Pit started.

I pulled myself up off of the spawn point. I'm not entirely sure how Pit got there, but he seemed OK, if a bit dazed. Actually, I'm not entirely sure how I got there myself. . .meh, it doesn't really matter anyway.

Everyone at our spawn braced ourselves for the countdown. . .3 . . .2. . .1. Then we were off. I glanced over my shoulder just in time to notice Pit inking directly at the ground. I sighed. He was going to take a bit to figure this out, wasn't he?

I wandered out a bit into the stage. The general routine was pretty simple, ink the turf with my Splattershot, turn into a squid to swim through the ink and move faster, then pop back out when there wasn't any more of my team's ink to swim in and ink some more. It came naturally, almost forgotten in the flow of battle. Quietly I wondered how a non-squid would manage out here, but it would probably be fi-

Carp, someone from the enemy team spotted me.

I was at a low angle. If I stayed I would definitely get splatted, and then it would be back to the spawn point for me. I swam off, hoping they wouldn't notice, but several shots of enemy ink struck me and was forced to try to walk, ink dragging my sneakers down.

"Oh hey. . .sup?" I asked weakly.

"Trying to sneak around the edge of the map for an ambush? Tsk, tsk, you're a bit of a troublemaker, aren't you?" Asked my opponent.

"Not as much trouble as those stupid bangs of yours. You spend all day pushing that tentacle over your face, or were you too busy putting on the lensless hipster glasses -just so-?" I asked, smirking.

"Poking fun at my looks while you're backed into a corner? You really feeling that confident, inksplo-"

The round splashed into him hard and fast. I looked behind the fresh explosion of orange ink to see Pit standing there, Splattershot Jr. aimed squarely at where Stupid McBangs had been standing.

"Nice shot! You might actually have a bit of skill at thi-oh carp, behind you!" I said.

During the time I'd been chattering, the rest of the opposing team had closed in. From the looks of the very strong lack of our ink and the very strong presence of the opposing team's, the rest of our team had been splatted. Darn. That isn't good.

"Don't worry, I'll cover you! Just make it to another spot on the map!" Pit said.

"But we're cornered, how do we-" I started.

My eyes widened as he expertly sidestepped a round of shots from a Tentatek. It was practically a Dualie roll, but without any Dualies equipped at all. Somehow he managed to sidestep like that all on his own. A blaster rang out, and he flinched slightly. Suddenly he backflipped high into the sky, a few feathers flying off of him from a grazing hit as he splatted the opponent from midair. The Tri-Slosher on their team tried to get away, but he flicked his aim to the side with the grace of an artist holding a pen, and their bucket dropped uselessly to the ground as they splatted into a puddle with the rest.

"Sweet freshness." I said quietly, my jaw hanging open with shock.

"Did I do OK?" Pit asked, grinning sheepishly.

The opposing team's equipment sunk limply into the ink as their squid-ghosts retreated back to their spawn for a recharge. A party wipe. He'd managed to knock out their entire team at once.

"Just. . .focus. . .focus. . .on splatting the other team for now. I'll handle covering turf." I managed to get out.

He smiled and nodded his head. I went back to work inking, trying to register what I just saw. His inking skills were on par with any new player, but his aim. . .I'd never seen anything like it, and I play Ranked. Just what did this guy do in his spare time?

As I inked more and more turf, I noticed the other team had stopped showing up and heard shouting from near their spawn. Yep, looks like he figured out how to spawn camp. Or at least did it by accident, I can't even tell with him. The map quickly turned orange as me and the rest of my team got to work.

It was a stomp in our favor, by the way. Funny how that turned out.

As we walked back into the Square, we were met with a chorus of chattering by the squids outside. Or he was, anyway.

"Hey, what abilities do you have on that dress? Is it something Annie started selling?"

"No fair, I hit you and you didn't splat! I call hacks!"

"I need you on my Salmon Run squad, man. You've got to be the best sharpshooter I've ever seen!"

"Please, no one ever give this guy a Tri-Slosher. Tell Sheldon not to sell it to him or something."

But from the looks of it, Pit himself was more interested in Judd sleeping on a pillow nearby than anything.

"Does this kitty judge every match you guys do?" Pit asked curiously.

Judd opened one eye and purred for a moment.

"Mrow you've got an interesting look to you." Judd said.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Pit asked.

"You've got a look in your eyes of someone who's had a couple abysses stare back at them. One that's been getting clawfully rare since a hundred years ago, and the other. . ." Judd paused for a moment for some reason, seemingly thinking about something. "The other I've only seen in a mirror."

"That's pretty deep. . .whatever that means." Pit said, scratching his head.

"That's pawlright. Don't hurt yourself thinking about it. If you need any advice for Turf Wars, just come talk to me." Judd said.

"Oh, uh, thank you! Will do!" Pit said.

Suddenly Pit had a look on his face like he suddenly realized he was fifteen minutes late for a meetup at The Shoal.

"HangonIgottago!" Pit said quickly, running off to the edge of the square. "See you tomorrow!"

Suddenly a bright light shone around him, and he slowly lifted into the air. After dropping ever so slightly, he suddenly surged up skyward. . .and then he was gone. The gathering of squids blinked slightly, then shrugged and went back to their phones. All except one, anyway.

"See, I told you he used hacks!"


End file.
